Seeing the Brilliance and Potential in Another

Contributed by Steve Goldberg

Derek Paravicini, with his music teacher and mentor Adam Ockelford

Derek Paravicini, a masterful musician, is blind with severe disabilities.  He can’t tell his right hand from his left or hold anything but the simplest of conversations.

When Derek is playing the piano, however it’s hard to believe there is anything he can’t do. Derek is a musical savant, blessed with enormous talent.

Click here to view a segment of Derek in action on the show “60 Minutes”

The behind the scenes story was even more compelling for me. It’s about how his piano teacher, Adam Ockelford, first saw and recognized Derek’s potential.  Derek literally crashed into Ockelford, in the middle of a lesson that he was giving. “Suddenly I felt a shove in the back. And he literally pushed me off the piano stool, and just started karate chopping the keyboard,” Ockelford remembered. “I thought he was mad, actually, ’cause it was just chaos of notes and hair and elbows but then suddenly I noticed out of all of that was coming ‘Don’t Cry For Me Argentina.’ I thought, ‘he’s not mad at all. He’s brilliant.’”

The story made me think of the people in my life who saw my potential and believed in me.

My grandmother particularly comes to mind. She lived in our family home for 30 years and helped raise me. She was born in 1891 and passed away a month shy of her 100th birthday. Her most profound advise to me was to focus more on who and how I wanted to be in the world, rather than what I should do in the world.

She lived and believed that a good life came from having lots of varied experiences seasoned with living passionately and with moderation. For a hormonal, highly imaginative teen the passion part was easy to master, the moderation part took more discipline.
After leaving home and going off to college in the late 60’s she would send me weekly “thought” packages of clipping from various magazines and newspapers. Even though neither she nor I were particularly religious growing up, she once sent a news clipping quote that I’ve kept for more than 40 years. It reads,

“God’s gift to us is life.
What we do with our life is our gift back to God”

These words resonate with me almost daily.

Questions For Consideration

• Who in your life believed in you?
• What lessons did they share?
• How are you using these today?

Bloom Where You Are Planted

Contributed by Heidi Kistler

Within weeks of retiring I left “my familiar”, my heart and soul connections and diverse life in New York and moved to Florida. Not only did I feel uprooted, parched and threatened by hurricanes, I felt emotionally and spiritually adrift, undone.

I hated Florida; it was that simple. Then, after months of moaning and complaining to anyone who would listen, I realized that these lamentations could easily continue for years, making myself and others miserable – unless I did something about them.

I gave myself a year to “adjust” and learn to accept, not necessarily embrace, my new life and to look at this new chapter as an adventure, as an opportunity for growth. If that did not work, I would leave, husband included.

I started by becoming aware of my many negative thoughts and replacing them with the next best thought. When that did not work, I’d scan the immediate environment and search for something pleasing, whether clouds, the color of a flower, the comfort of my home. Gradually, more positive thoughts and reactions entered my stream of consciousness. When I heard myself complaining, I would stop immediately, saying, “Stop it. Look around; you are so blessed.

It took a while. With the gradual change of attitude, I became more open to opportunities. I discovered and pursued social, spiritual and communal interests which eventually developed into meaningful and satisfying relationships.

Nearly six years later, much of my heart is still in NY, but I have learned to bloom where I am planted…my garden is a witness to that.

What do you think?

• When confronted with dramatic changes, what tools have you used to adjust or to deal with life’s events?
• How do you handle persistent negative thoughts?

Life is 10% What Happens to You and 90% How You Respond to it

Contributed by Olga Dudek

Team Canada celebrates their 10-1 victory over Sweden during the
Ice Sledge Hockey Preliminary Round Group B Game

I had the opportunity to be in Whistler, B.C., a few weeks ago during the 2010 Paralympics.  Over 500 athletes from 44 countries around the world competed. What an inspiration to witness what the human spirit and body can accomplish.

It gave me pause for reflection as I watched the many gifted athletics with their variety of disabilities. When I am faced with challenges, sometimes I find it easier to just give up and move on.  I hear my mind chatter,

”So what if I can’t do it? Something else will come up, why do I need to do it if it’s so hard? What difference will it make anyways?”

I was so touched by the stories and journeys that so many of these athletes encountered to make it to this world stage.

Alexi was born near Chernobyl 14 months after the nuclear disaster. His legs were horribly deformed at birth and had to be amputated.  He was left in the orphanage for three years, feeling unwanted. He was adopted by a couple in Buffalo, N.Y., and raised in the United States. In a recent interview he said that his adoptive mom said to him:”Don’t be sad, one day you will make someone happy”. Alexi scored the winning goal in the gold medal victory in sledge hockey for the U.S. team.

Jody Barber, 45, was a competitive triathlete when a car drove over her right arm in a cycling accident in 2006. She was told she would never ride a bike or swim again, but that didn’t stop her from resuming these activities. A year later, she decided to learn how to ski. She now competes in cross country skiing! She believes that “Life is 10 per cent what happens to you and 90 per cent how you respond to it”. You have to find an activity you love so you’ll want to keep doing it and want to improve.

Ralph Green was shot on the streets of Brooklyn and sustained an injury that took his left leg. He was 16 years old. Previously, he was a great quarterback and had been known to dunk a basketball without much effort. He had an opportunity to spend time in the mountains of Colorado and started skiing. He can squat 420 lbs, leg press 780 lbs, and seeing that powerful man skiing downhill at over 80 miles/hr, no one can doubt his strength & stamina. “I am an athlete, an athlete that wants to be the best at whatever he does. And I am disabled, but my disability helps me live life to the fullest“. Brooklyn now holds “Go for Gold” day in his honour.

Caitlain Sharubi was born with a very rare disease, blind, no eyelids and several other facial deformities. Twenty years later and 57 reconstructive surgeries, she is now a freshman at Harvard and a racer on the U.S. Ski Team. Flying down a frozen hill at up to 60 mph, relying on information relayed through a headset from a guide racing ahead of her. Caitlain’s mom says “People need to see the rainbow through the rainstorm”.

These are just few stories and they all show that to believe in oneself, and to live with integrity and grace, can allow us to not only reach for our dreams but attain them despite the challenges we might face.

Take a look at this amazing video that further emphasizes the challenges, grace and skill of these athletes.

Some questions to ponder:

• What challenges have you had to face in your life?
• How do you overcome mental and /or physical blocks to be able to move forward?

Everyday Matters: Finding Meaning With Pencil and Paper

Contributed by Iwona Roslonek

Danny Gregory is an important mentor of mine.  His work focuses on finding meaning in life through art and drawing.  A few years ago a book he wrote fell from the bookstore shelves into my hands.  Afterwards I read them all, visited his web site and popular blog.

We all are trying to find meaning via our own unique ways: interesting job, hobbies, family, saving poor in Bangladesh, chips and beer, bigger house, bigger boobs… Yet many of us are still left feeling a void in life.

Danny draws every day.  At one point in his life he was a very successful New York advertising executive.  He had the fancy home, attractive wife and son.  He also had a 12 hour work day.  He was miserable.

His wife Patti worked in a fashion industry. One day she fell on the track of the New York subway train.  She ended up in the wheelchair. This tragedy spurred Danny to slow down his pace and drawing helped him do so.

In his Everyday Matters he writes about the magic of observing:   “People start tracing everyday objects and start to notice what was there all along in front of their eyes:  the beauty of the morning coffee cup, a crumpled autumn leaf, our own hand with a wonderful map of lines whose existence we ignored for so many years.

Then the unthinkable happened – Patti jumped from their 8th floor apartment to her death.  Thousands of people whose life Danny touched and changed forever responded with letters and condolences.  This is an abbreviated version of what Danny posted on his blog site:

Dear Friends:

As you have heard, my wife Patti passed away last week. She was a lovely, creative person who gave me strength, inspiration, ideas and love.

A couple of days ago, our friends put together a lovely tribute to her memory.   Hundreds of people jammed the place, singing songs, sharing stories, crying, laughing, and celebrating her life.

She reinforced a key personal belief.   Life is wonderful even though not always easy. Its riches don’t lie in bank accounts or career success or power or fame. We just need to look around us, at the beauty of a wrinkled orange skin, the ray of sunshine across a wooden table, the shape of a napping pet, an abandoned shoe, a building against the sky.  The lines I make, sometimes sure and sharp, sometimes wobbly and vague, are the deposit I make in my account, the way I capture life’s true rewards and value.

In the days following Patti’s death, I lost my appetite, my ability to sleep, my concentration, my will. I hesitated to pick up a pen. Nothing seemed to matter, let alone the everyday. But then, after some time spent staring into space, I began to draw again. And I must and will continue. Drawing brings me meaning. To abandon it would betray Patti’s memory and my being.

I hope that if you are hesitating to draw, beating yourself up because you’re not good enough, telling yourself you have no time to spare, feeling distracted and down, remember that, though life can be plucked from us at any moment, it is full of wonder and beauty.

With Love,

Danny

*********************
Every day and every moment really does matter.  Wishing you a wonderful and inspiring week with many meaningful moments that matter!

Danny Gregory’s “Everyday Matters” Blog can found at

http://www.dannygregory.com/?p=9 25

“Goodness”

Contributed by Steve Goldberg

In their just released book, Made For Goodness, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his daughter write about the power of kindness.

With all the hardship in the world, it can sometimes be easy to look around and wonder if there’s any goodness.

That’s why Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his daughter, Reverend Mpho Tutu, say they wrote their new book focusing on the theme that joy and goodness can be found anywhere, if we would only look for it.

“Each kindness enhances the quality of life,” they write, “Each cruelty diminishes it.” Tutu writes that his daughter and he came together to write the book because they believe as a species we are made for goodness.

They ask, “Why else do we get so outraged by wrong? When we hear of any egregious act, we are appalled. If wrong was the norm, it wouldn’t be news. Our newscasts wouldn’t lead with the latest acts of murder or mayhem, because they would be ordinary. But murder and mayhem are not the norm. The norm is goodness.”

They further write, “you can see from the people we truly admire that we are attracted to goodness. We do not revere people who are successful. We might envy them and wish that their money were transferred to our bank account. But the people we revere are not necessarily successful; they are something else. They are good.”

Some Questions for Consideration:

1. Who in your life do you admire for their goodness?
2. What qualities stand out for you?
3. What have they taught you about life and your life in particular?

Get yourself together – you’ve still got friends!

Contributed by Sharon Roberts

I’m so grateful for all the “mentoring moments” in my life. You know the ones I’m talking about — those delightful unexpected gems that bounce in and burrow right into your heart when you least expect it. Allow me to introduce my special mentor, Katarina. She is one of the most spirited, bubbly eight year olds I know, always full of joy and a smile that’s pure sunshine. Not a shy bone in her body. On this day, her trademark sunshine smile was gone as she shared a troubling playground experience at school.

“May I please play with you?” she asked a group of four children. “No, we already have too many,” the ‘mayor’ of the game informed Katarina. There were only four so she wondered how that could be too many, but as Katarina described it, the ‘mayor’ was sticking to her story. The confusion and pain of rejection was bewildering to Katarina. “Right then I felt very, very left out, like they thought I wasn’t a very good girl — and I know I am a good girl. It felt like I was going to be left out — forever — and have no friends at all!”

She felt so sad and angry she didn’t know what to do. And, then she remembered she could be brave. Her personal antidote for rejection – “Katarina, get yourself together — you’ve still got friends!” Talk about a mentoring moment!

Does this feel way too familiar? We have friends too! And, when we need them the most we don’t reach out! And, I wonder why not? According to brain scientist, Jill Bolte Taylor and author of Stroke of Insight, whether we’re 8 or 48, it’s normal for a tiny group of cells in our brain, the “peanut gallery” to spin multitudes of tall tales, one more humiliating than the next. Dr.Taylor points out she’s personally convinced that 99.9 percent of the cells in our body and our brain are cheering for us to be successful.

So when you are on the playground of your world — the networking event, job interview, or family get together and that noisy “peanut gallery” in your brain goes into overdrive you know exactly what to do. No worries – “Get yourself together – you’ve got friends!” So call them already – and take a great big group hug!

“You’ve Got a Friend” Carole King

Leader or Follower? Finding the Environment that Allows Us to Thrive

Contributed by Barbara Taylor

Personally I find this is a challenging topic to write about.

Not because it is by definition a complex subject, but because I sense that I am currently caught in a bit of an unconscious fog with respect to these dynamics and how they are working in some aspects of my life. This is obscuring my ability to see myself clearly.

Analytical psychology tells us that this is precisely the way self-awareness operates: first we project ourselves out into the world, onto others, and then – if we’re curious and willing – we can eventually grasp what’s going on and find a healthy way to integrate our personal ‘blind spots’ into our conscious personality.

Some new insights are emerging for me on this particular life theme of leading and following. Am I most comfortable leading, or following? How does each role help me and/or hinder me from going after what I want and getting my needs met?

I’ve noticed, over the years, that I am most comfortable in a work setting at a level that is at least one or two rungs down from ‘the top’. Probably the best job I ever had was my first fulltime role after graduation, as assistant to the director of continuing education in a university setting. My boss, Allan, was an astute mover-and-shaker type who knew his stuff and who was truly invested in bringing out the best in his team. We would shoot for the moon (the department’s role was to generate income and expand the student base for the university) and anytime we created unpleasant waves for the academics or the administration, he would rise to the challenge and take on his adversaries with gusto. I was able to test my wings, watch and learn, and stay a safe distance back from the heat of most conflicts.

I was never called upon to be an ‘expert’, yet I was offered the opportunity to develop as much skill, confidence, and growth as I was willing to pursue. Allan ‘had my back’ at all times. He was delighted with my curious mind, my creative thinking abilities, and my high-energy approach to diving in and doing whatever was necessary when time was of the essence.

Looking back, I believe my work relationship with Allan was a healthy illustration of the growth and blossoming that can occur when one has a capable leader.

Leadership is not about the leader

Rosabeth Moss Kanter, in her book Confidence: How Winning Streaks & Losing Streaks Begin & End, has this to say about leadership: “Leadership is not about the leader; it is about how he or she builds the confidence of everyone else. Leaders are responsible for both the big structures that serve as the cornerstones of confidence, and for the human touches that shape a positive emotional climate to inspire and motivate people.” She goes on to say that while leaders need self-confidence, this is not the real secret of leadership. “The more essential ingredient is confidence in other people. Leadership involves motivating others to their finest efforts and channeling those efforts in a coherent direction.”

Where there is light, there is also (of course!) shadow. I’m now realizing that I have probably been – at some level – trying to replicate those dynamics with Allan ever since I lived them 30 years ago! How well this has served me is anyone’s guess.

In reflecting on this topic today, I thought of the metaphor of choosing to follow a semi-trailer on a dark, deer-infested highway: it provides excellent protection from a potential collision with unpredictable animals, but it makes it really hard to see what’s in front of you and where you are ultimately going!

One downside of staying comfortably behind a leader may be an underdeveloped knowledge base about what one is truly capable of. This, I think, sets the stage for just enough self-doubt to create hesitation when opportunities do arise. We’re unsure. If only we could just zip into Allan’s office for five or ten minutes and run the idea by him, see what he thinks about our ability to rise to the occasion, and get the exact pep talk we need to accept the challenge and get going!

In addition to self-doubt, I wonder if those of us who seek strong and positive leadership can also tend to doubt the abilities of the new person on our horizon who is now showing up in the potential role of leader. We ask ourselves: Is it safe to trust this person and really become engaged in the work at hand? Does he possess adequate values and vision? Will she set a good example and create enough structure to facilitate success? How will I be treated? It’s prudent to ask these questions.

Energy is freed and focus is possible when people have confidence in one another

According to Kanter, “When people have confidence in one another, they are willing to lead and be led by the team. They do not have to second-guess, double back, or duplicate other people’s work. They catch problems more quickly or take bolder steps because they do not worry about embarrassment or punishment. Energy is freed and focus is possible when people have confidence in one another. When they can count on other people’s support, they don’t have to fear their attacks or monitor their every move. When people give one another the benefit of the doubt and, better yet, believe in one another, more projects are launched, more innovations get seeded, and more work gets done.”

But how do you get there?

Impressive….so that’s what it looks like when you arrive at team confidence! But how do you get there? I know that I had confidence in Allan and his abilities because I was willing to both be led by him and to create and explore various opportunities for taking the lead at appropriate times. I trusted that Allan would provide the necessary evaluative feedback I needed and that he would deliver it in a safe and supportive way. My energy was therefore freed up and my motivation was high to work hard and do my best.

What was it about Allan that made this possible for me? Or, that enabled me to give myself permission to passionately give it my best?

Kanter seems to think that the role of leader doesn’t require an exceptional personality. “Although the charisma of leadership tends to be associated with larger-than-life individuals who weave inspirational spells, charisma can become a property of a whole group of people who believe in one another and the power of their teamwork….that’s the real magic—to make leadership appear from many unexpected places, just when it is needed.”

Allan definitely had charisma, but Kanter puts more weight on the ingredients for confidence that can be generated in a team: “Confidence blossoms when people feel connected rather than isolated, when they are willing to engage and commit to one another, when they can act together to solve problems and produce results, ignoring boundaries between them. A culture of pride stems from respect for the talents and potential of other people in the system. Mutual confidence begins with firsthand knowledge of one another and the chance to discover human connections. ‘Chemistry’ is not a mysterious factor dependent of whether people happen to hit it off; bonds grow from working together on real and important tasks that achieve success.”

Finding the best fit

As I weigh the above ideas, I surmise that a skilled leader works to inspire, direct, and encourage his or her team toward a mutually successful outcome. For me personally, I very much like the look and feel of Kanter’s description of the synergy that can exist in a group that’s confident in the abilities of its members. While this can include the leader, I still think that I prefer the at-least-one-rung-down role of team member. I know that I can function more fully and freely when I am responsible for my part in the process, but not the overall accountability for the entire outcome.

Further, as I feel into the type of team member I would want to be, I come back to the image of the semi-trailer. Ideally, I would want to be less concerned with protection from unseen elements and more focused on seeing where I’m going and having options as to how I get there!

I feel fortunate to have had my sheltered position working for Allan at such a formative time in my life. It’s given me a benchmark experience of how it feels to confidently take on new territory, knowing that mistakes can be turned productively into useful data that will lead to an improved attempt at the next new venture. But I have also grown and matured in the decades since that time and, at this stage in my life, it’s helpful to remind myself that I can apply my skills and experience in similar ways and benefit from the results even without Allan around to guide me.

My internal fog clears as I consider the type of team environment I would most like to participate in. As I think about the dynamics of a successful team and how the functions of leading and the following become fluid as needed, I find it less of an issue to figure out which role I am comfortable in. I know that there will be times when I will be called upon to be both. I can instead channel my energy for further exploration of this topic into recognizing and building upon the successful qualities Kanter describes, facilitating personal growth as I interact with others in my work and home environments.

What About You?

Some points to consider for finding your own best fit

It’s not easy to see ourselves clearly in our roles and relationships. When driving a vehicle, we need windows, side and rear view mirrors, and frequent shoulder checks in order to monitor where we’re going and what the others around us are doing. By staying awake and alert at the wheel, we have the best chance of safely navigating to and from our destination and enjoying the ride along the way.

The same is true in our interpersonal lives, whether at work or at home. When we are able to gather accurate feedback and authentically assess our strengths and our weaknesses—and the triggers that nudge us one way or the other—we set the stage for the fullest expression of our gifts and talents and become realistic about the contributions we are capable of.

The following questions will help you to get started in finding your own best fit and creating the circumstances that will help you to thrive. For further tips and information sources on this and other related topics, consult the Resources section of The Upside Life website.

• Have you ever thought about your own preferred role as either a leader or a follower?
• Which role brings out the best in you? Consider your environments at work, at home, and in your social circles.
• Do you remain in one role or the other most of the time, or do you shift back and forth? Are you aware of when and how you do this?
• Do you see either of these roles as negative and therefore avoid it? Why?
• Do you think the world generally views one of these roles as preferable to the other? What data or experience do you base your conclusion on?
• Have you ever experienced working with or for someone (not necessarily in an employment position) whom you would describe as an excellent leader? What is it about this person that makes them stand out for you?
• What do you think about Kanter’s description of the characteristics of successful teams?
• When you reflect on a team you are currently a member of, or one you’ve been a part of in the past, how well does your team fit Kanter’s description?
• How well do you fit her description of a confident and motivated team member?
• If you fell short in your self-assessment, what got in the way of you delivering your best performance or contribution?
• What might have made a positive difference for you?
• How do you think the outcome might have changed if circumstances had been better for you?
• If you are currently dissatisfied with a leader or follower issue in your life, or a team situation that you are involved in, how might you begin to analyze your role in the situation and see if there is room for positive change? How could you get started?

87 and Still Going Strong: If she can do it, hopefully I can too!

“Live like it’s your last day...”

Contributed by Olga Dudek

Had I gazed into a crystal ball or had my palm read 30 years ago, I would have been shocked to hear that I would one day become a “snow bird”, live part-time in a gated 55+ community, and engage in bird watching!

Leaving behind my home base in the Pacific Northwest, I‘ve spent the last few months on a sabbatical in southern Florida. As I prepare to pack up for my return home, I realize that this lifestyle has become my “new normal.” I have always strived to maintain a healthy balance between my work and my play time, but lately I find myself comparing my progress with what I see around me here in my new, southern community. Living here is like watching a living laboratory into my future self: all around me are active, vibrant, and seemingly wise people “of a certain age.”

I recently met the most inspiring role model! I was on the local tennis court with my partner, at the top of our middle-aged form (elbow band on my racquet arm and athletic brace on his knee) and ready to take on our opponents. Across the net from me was a lovely lady of more advanced age than I. As the game unfolded I did my best to return her shots, all the while noticing the quality of her play and her agility on the court.

I became very curious to know her age. I did the inappropriate thing (!) and asked her outright. “I will be 87 on my next birthday, in 3 weeks”, she proudly replied, flashing me a lovely smile. What a dynamic and impressive woman! I asked her for her secret and this is what she said:” Stay active and involved.”

She got me thinking about the specifics of what I do to maximize my health and well being. Many questions ran through my mind, including whether we have a choice as to how well we age. My personal belief is that we have a lot of control over the outcome. While some of us have been blessed with a good set of genes, inevitably the way we take care of ourselves plays a very significant role.

Here is my top 10 list for living long and living well:

1. Eating healthy and in moderation – I try to cook most of my own meals so I have full control over the ingredients and the method of cooking. I buy whole grains and avoid “white” foods, e.g. white bread or rice. I read labels and look for high fibre and low sugar contents while avoiding saturated fats.

2. Exercising regularly – I love tennis, as you’ve probably guessed, and I play as often as I can. My usual routine is to walk or cycle to work daily. I also try to practice yoga twice a week.

3. Connecting with friends – I cherish my friendships and the exchanges of personal stories and significant moments. I especially enjoy sharing meals with my friends, having great conversations, and laughing out loud.

4. Sleeping at least 8 hours – I am blessed with an ability to fall asleep easily and experience restful sleep. When I ensure that I get my eight hours of sleep, I feel refreshed in the morning and ready to take on the world.

5. Having a positive attitude – I try to be a realist and put life’s events into perspective, e.g. “This too shall pass.”

6. Trying new things – I love to explore my creative side. Currently I am finding immense enjoyment in photography. I have also started to do some writing and have taken a new art class on fusing glass.

7. Brushing my teeth and flossing daily to help keep a healthy body – Scientific evidence shows that inflammation in the mouth increases the risks of chronic disease such as diabetes, heart disease, and others.

8. Being in a loving relationship where my partner and I feel that we enhance each others’ lives – I love that we can share ideas freely, and support each other and agree to disagree sometimes.

9. Maintaining honest and supportive relationships with my children, mother, and sister –it feels great to have a close friendship with them.

10. AND finally…..Living with deep gratitude and appreciation for the life I have and with excitement for what’s yet to come.

Questions to consider:

1. What tips do you have for living a full and fulfilling life?

2. Who are your role models?

3. What can you do now to start improving your health for your future? How can you get started?

Are Synchronicities Rare Events or Are We Rarely Paying Attention?

Contributed by Steve Goldberg

Synchronicities are a huge part of my life experience and, I believe, a significant part of what it means to live an Upside perspective.  By “synchronicity”, I’m referring what can happen when we practice the art of being open, alert, and curious within ourselves and towards our surroundings (in synch) so that we can observe and attract the people and opportunities into our lives that we might otherwise have ignored or missed.

I further believe that these unpredictable events are the result of unexplainable forces which can impact and influence the course of our lives in positive and meaningful ways.  For me it’s about paying attention while staying open to and curious about the signs and signals around me.  I have been rewarded abundantly in my life with this approach.

In last week’s column I shared the story of how, through a series synchronistic events, I met Nelson Mandela in 1990 the day after his release from prison.  In my reflections over the years on the events of that amazing day, I am struck by how easily I could have missed it all.

These were some of the things that occurred behind the scenes:

• I had initially planned on leaving Africa the day prior. My flight was canceled at the last minute and I had been given a re-routing option, but my inner voice told me not to travel that day and instead stay another day.

• I called and even though the hotel was fully booked, I somehow managed to extend my stay. I had no idea that this was the same hotel that Mandela would be visiting.

• I got back to my room exhausted from the airport ordeal and the toll of the heavy work schedule I had experienced in the preceding several weeks.  I was so tired that I could have quite easily slept the rest of the night away.  Instead, my instincts told me to go out, get some air, and do some exploring.

• My curiosity was rewarded by arriving at the reception line forming to view Mandela walk the red carpet laid out in front of our hotel lobby.  If I hadn’t heeded my sense of curiosity, I would have missed the next wonderful opportunity as well: running into my long lost friends who were now working with Mandela.  They arranged to sneak me into the State dinner that evening and, later, meet him in person.

Experience has taught me time and again that, as John Lennon so eloquently put it, “Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans.”  What’s often difficult to grasp, particularly during challenging times, is that there are always solutions and sources of unseen help ready to assist if/when we are receptive to them.

Questions for reflection:

1. Have synchronicities been rare or common events in your life?
2. What are some examples of synchronicity in your life that had important meaning for you?

One of the Most Profound Upside Moments of My Life

Contributed by Steve Goldberg

Nelson Mandela celebrates with his then-wife Winnie shortly after his release from prison on February 11th, 1990 in Paarl, South Africa

This past week marks the 20th anniversary of the release from prison of former South African President Nelson Mandela.  You may recall that, after nearly three decades of imprisonment, there was little hope that Mandela would ever be set free.  His 1990 release was one of the most surprising and profound Upside moments of the 20th century, one that is often described as the beginning of the end of apartheid.  Four years later, Mr. Mandela would become South Africa’s first democratically elected and black president.

Mandela’s historic release from prison holds special significance for me as I had the amazing good fortune to be in the right place at the right time not only to witness it first-hand, but to actually meet him in person!

I was working in Zimbabwe with the World Health Organization at the time of the unanticipated announcement of the impending release by then-President F. W. de Klerk.  I happened to be staying at the hotel where Mandela was scheduled to arrive for a hastily-organized state dinner the day after his release.  I was right there when Mandela and his wife Winnie were ushered out of their car and escorted along a red carpet through the hotel lobby. It felt like the most powerful event of my life!   Yet things became even more amazing from here!

I raced into the hotel elevator to return to my room to call family and friends back home and share the incredible news.  The elevator was packed.   Looking up, to my amazement I found myself in the company of two friends I had first met in the jungles of Zambia but hadn’t seen in years.  Ironically, we had met on a hiking trip at the time they were in training to become photojournalists who would be ready to cover Mandela’s release from prison, if such an unlikely event were ever to occur.

The three of us were overjoyed to be reunited with each other.  My friends, who were insiders to the Mandela event in the hotel, told me to get dressed and they would attempt to sneak me into the state dinner about to take place downstairs!  They managed to do so and I was able to be part of the most electrifying and historic evening imaginable, culminating with an address from Mandela.  I will never forget his talk: he focused his remarks on reaching into our hearts in order to forgive and to let go of the past so that we could be hopeful and optimistic for the future.  You could have heard a pin drop in the room while Mandela was speaking.

At the end of the dinner, I met up with my friends and they asked if I would like to meet Mandela.   We patiently waited for an opportunity and when it came, they whispered into his ear.

He looked right into my eyes and said, “I heard about you and your time in the jungle with my boys here.”

I returned his smile and told him, “I heard about you as well, Mr. Mandela…welcome home.”

It amazes me that even though 20 years have passed, these events are still fresh in my mind and heart.  I have often reflected on the talk Mandela gave that evening and marvel at how truly inspiring it was to hear him feel and express what he did after all the years of pain, isolation, and mistreatment he endured.   He is, for me, the authentic embodiment of living on the Upside.

For more on the anniversary of Nelson Mandela’s release from prison:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/africa/02/10/mandela.anniversary/index.html